How to Talk Sex Talkby Terri Rocker
Sex talk may seem an intimidating skill, but it's really just verbal foreplay. Like any other form of foreplay, the only reason to engage in sex talk is the enjoyment you and your partner get from it. Sex talk should be fun. Sex talk---the good stuff, that is---is all about creating an intimate mood. Talking dirty can stir arousal, and it can keep your partner's desire stoked. Furthermore, it can tip your partner and yourself over into climax. On a deeper level, sex talk creates a bond between you and your partner, the bond of speaking a secret language to each other.
Do the Sex Talk Prep Work
Build up a sex talk vocabulary. Although graphic language isn't actually necessary for effective sex talk, many people find the raunchy stuff erotic. Poll your partner; come up with a handful of erotic words that both of you consider sexy.
Read erotica for ideas. Quality erotic stories practically drip sex talk, so think of them as mini sex bibles. If the phrase turns you or your partner on when you read it, chances are a similar phrase will turn you on during sex.
Relax. Of course, relaxation is essential to good sex, period. Relaxation is especially important when you talk sex talk. You don't want to feel self-conscious, or you won't enjoy it. That will make your partner will feel self-conscious, too. Cuddle up with your partner. Say what's on your mind. If you do stammer, don't worry. Laugh and be glad you broke the ice.
Pick your moment with sensitivity. What makes sex talk erotic isn't the words themselves. It's all in the context. You can blurt out a lurid phrase in the middle of your orgasm, or slip in a few admiring words as you stroke your partner. There may be certain times when your partner might find it especially erotic to hear you say exactly what's on your mind. Ask and learn.
Talk sexy by focusing on what's happening now. Tell your partner what you want. Verbalize what you intend to do next. Say how you're feeling. Ask your partner how this feels--and this--and you get the idea. You can use dirty words, or you can simply use normal, everyday words. For many couples, just speaking aloud about an intimate act can up the heat level to white hot.
Laugh. Sex and humor go hand in hand. Humor is one of the most stimulating and intimate kinds of sex talk there is, even without a single naughty word spoken. Needless to say, only nice humor counts---avoid anything that could undermine your partner's confidence.
- If your partner uses sex talk that turns you off, mention that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Suggest a sexy alternative that you'd enjoy hearing instead.