How to Make Marriage Work After Separation

by Alina McKee

After a separation it may seem like your marriage will never be the same again. While this may be true, you can try to make the change positive instead of negative. It takes a lot of soul searching, talking, sharing and hard work, but with time you may be able to make your marriage stronger than it has ever been. These tips will get you started in the right direction.

Step 1

Listen to what your partner has to say. Go to a quiet place and just let your partner talk about what he feels. Don't judge, just simply listen.

Step 2

Put yourself in her shoes. Before your play the blame game, push away your need to validate any of your actions and think about what your partner is feeling. Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in her place. This can be difficult, especially if you think that you have done nothing wrong.

Step 3

Remember, reality is a flexible concept. Two people can experience the exact same event and come out with two totally different perceptions. This doesn't make one person wrong and one person right it just makes them different.

Step 4

Think back to what made you fall in love with your mate in the first place. She probably still has many of those qualities. Even if she doesn't, try to find new qualities that you can love. For example, you may have fell in love with how he used to bring you flowers for no reason. Today, though, maybe you can be in love with the fact that he brings you the paper every morning.

Step 5

Ignite the excitement. No matter what the problem in a relationship, most could use a dash of excitement after a separation. Try something new together such as parasailing, scuba diving, rock climbing or canoeing. The shared experience will help to mend the bond that was broken and the endorphins will stimulate your sex drives according to research done by Bentley College in Massachusetts.

Step 6

Make it clear what you expect from the relationship. For example, if you were forced apart by an addiction, make it clear that you expect you mate to get help and follow through with treatment.


  • Go to couples counseling for extra help.


  • Try not to judge, blame or re-hash old arguments. Try to have a new beginning.

About the Author

Since 1998 Alina McKee has written for dozens of traditional and online beauty, fashion, health and parenting publications including, Mama Health and Real Beauty. As a professional artist, her articles about these subjects have been used in magazines and websites around the globe. McKee has a diploma in fine art from Stratford Art School.